The building that once housed the United States Institute of Peace was recently renamed for our Felon-in-Chief – the same man who eliminated the congressionally created non-profit by Executive Order. Trump has also not-so-humbly called for renaming the J.F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts after himself along with the new White House ballroom. That’s in addition to the seemingly endless number of things that already bear that awful name.
There are Trump-branded golf resorts, hotels, media, cryptocurrency, bibles, watches, cellphones, coins, sneakers, hats, cologne, wine and much more. Indeed, it seems that he wants his name plastered all over our land in gaudy goldleaf letters. And it’s well known that he hopes to have his image carved into Mount Rushmore.
All of this caused me to consider what items and places would more appropriately bear the name or image of the USA’s first real dictator. Following are but a few suggestions:
Trump-branded adult diapers, the Trump Big Mac/Filet-O-Fish combo, a Trump memorial McDonalds drive-thru, the Trump cognitive test, and Trump narcolepsy pills to keep him from nodding off during national security meetings and all of those compulsory “Praise Our Dear Leader cabinet meetings.”
Other suggestions for carrying the Trump name are ICE detention centers, Trump-branded tear gas, and the Trump mass deportation center (the antithesis of Ellis Island).
Given his obsession with toilets, there absolutely must be a line of Trump-branded high-flow golden toilets. And in the future “taking a dump” should more appropriately named “taking a Trump.” Given his position on climate change, we should name the worst hurricane of each year after Trump. Additionally, any dying forest or coral reef could be named in Trump’s honor. And given his regime’s antivax position, it would be appropriate to name the infectious disease responsible for the next pandemic after Trump.
Whenever anyone is fatally attacked on the high seas, we could say they’ve been Trumped. (Or would it be more appropriate for Hegseth to receive that honor?) And all sexual predators should be called Trumpers.
Not wanting to overlook his family, I’d recommend that the HB-1 visa be known as the Melania visa. Finally, we should create a Trump wing of San Quentin where he, his family, and many of his followers should be found after January 2028.