The Arpaio Model.

From 1993 to 2017, the self-proclaimed “America’s Toughest Sheriff” Joe Arpaio terrorized Latinos and political opponents in Arizona’s Maricopa County for which he faced numerous civil rights lawsuits and was eventually convicted of contempt of court.

During his reign of terror, Arpaio established a model for what has become Trump’s ICEstapo.

Racial Profiling – Arpaio’s Sheriff’s department racially profiled Latinos during his anti-immigration sweeps stopping every driver with dark hair and brown skin to demand to see their papers. And, if they were unable to provide them, he swiftly hauled them off to jail where they were held in deplorable conditions. If those tactics seem familiar, that’s because the so-called conservative majority of SCOTUS decided to look the other way as ICE Barbie and her Gestapo wannabes violate the 4th Amendment ban on illegal searches and seizures.

Detention Conditions – Instead of normal jails, Arpaio housed many of his detainees in what he called a concentration camp in the Arizona desert. Known as Tent City, the camp consisted of surplus military tents located next to a landfill which made the entire site stink. Adding to the stench were the site’s only bathroom facilities – portable toilets. There was no heat or AC leading to temperatures inside the tent rising to as high as 145 degrees.

It was reported that Arpaio’s wife had a lucrative contract to provide meals for the detainees. Yet the twice-daily meals consisted of a carton of milk along with orange juice in the morning, a bowl of flavorless porridge, a hard roll and a piece of fruit recovered from food rescue.

Given that elected officials have been denied access to inspect ICE’s Alligator Alcatraz, it’s likely the conditions are as bad or worse.

Targeting Political Opponents – Arpaio famously arrested two reporters for publishing an article unfavorable to his office. The reporters were handcuffed by plainclothes officers, placed in an SUV with tinted windows and hauled off to jail. He also did the same to many of his political opponents. Sound familiar?

Like Arpaio ICE has also arrested political opponents without cause, forcing them to spend thousands on legal fees. The only difference between Arpaio’s thugs and the ICEstapo is that ICE agents have taken it a step farther by wearing masks.

Expanding The Trump Brand.

The building that once housed the United States Institute of Peace was recently renamed for our Felon-in-Chief – the same man who eliminated the congressionally created non-profit by Executive Order. Trump has also not-so-humbly called for renaming the J.F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts after himself along with the new White House ballroom. That’s in addition to the seemingly endless number of things that already bear that awful name.

There are Trump-branded golf resorts, hotels, media, cryptocurrency, bibles, watches, cellphones, coins, sneakers, hats, cologne, wine and much more. Indeed, it seems that he wants his name plastered all over our land in gaudy goldleaf letters. And it’s well known that he hopes to have his image carved into Mount Rushmore.

All of this caused me to consider what items and places would more appropriately bear the name or image of the USA’s first real dictator. Following are but a few suggestions:

Trump-branded adult diapers, the Trump Big Mac/Filet-O-Fish combo, a Trump memorial McDonalds drive-thru, the Trump cognitive test, and Trump narcolepsy pills to keep him from nodding off during national security meetings and all of those compulsory “Praise Our Dear Leader cabinet meetings.”

Other suggestions for carrying the Trump name are ICE detention centers, Trump-branded tear gas, and the Trump mass deportation center (the antithesis of Ellis Island).

Given his obsession with toilets, there absolutely must be a line of Trump-branded high-flow golden toilets. And in the future “taking a dump” should more appropriately named “taking a Trump.” Given his position on climate change, we should name the worst hurricane of each year after Trump. Additionally, any dying forest or coral reef could be named in Trump’s honor. And given his regime’s antivax position, it would be appropriate to name the infectious disease responsible for the next pandemic after Trump.

Whenever anyone is fatally attacked on the high seas, we could say they’ve been Trumped. (Or would it be more appropriate for Hegseth to receive that honor?) And all sexual predators should be called Trumpers.

Not wanting to overlook his family, I’d recommend that the HB-1 visa be known as the Melania visa. Finally, we should create a Trump wing of San Quentin where he, his family, and many of his followers should be found after January 2028.