The Most Prescient Satire Ever!

Recently, I had occasion to re-read The I Hate Republicans Reader by Clint Willis as research for my own book: The Teapublican Book of Lies, Volume 2.  One chapter of his book was devoted to a satirical article by The Onion headlined “Bush: Our Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity is Finally Over.”  Written in 2001, the article was intended as farsical humor.  Yet it accurately predicted virtually everything that would occur over the 8 years of the Bush administration.

If you haven’t read the article, check it out.  If you read it back in 2001, it’s worth revisiting.

Should Romney-Ryan steal the White House as Bush-Cheney did, you can be assured I’ll read what The Onion has to say about it.  It just might offer me a look into the future and help me decide whether I should stay and fight.  Or whether I should flee to a sane country and sit out the next 8 years on foreign soil.

Maybe Gun Control Advocates Should Follow The Lead Of Abortion Foes.

Both abortions and gun ownership are guaranteed by the Supreme Court of the United States.  But that hasn’t stopped abortion foes from challenging the law at every opportunity.

It hasn’t stopped them from creating a host of restrictions that have all but ended abortions in several states.  It hasn’t stopped them from creating lengthy waiting periods in order to “educate” patients about the horrors of abortion.

So why not do the same with gun nuts?

We could make a list of the names, addresses and phone numbers of the leaders of the National Rifle Association and pro-gun legislators.  We could write legislation to ban ownership of certain types of weapons.  We could create lengthy waiting periods for gun purchases in order to show prospective buyers the horrors of Columbine, Tucson and Aurora.

We could show them statistics for gun violence.  We could show them photographs of those who were murdered by their own guns.  We could show them cities and neighborhoods that have been destroyed by gun violence.  We could cut off all federal funding and tax loopholes for gun manufacturers.

After all, isn’t gun control also pro-life?

Nausea And Palin Are Synonymous.

Snarky Sarah doesn’t like President Obama’s speeches.  She calls them nauseating, probably because he’s using big words she doesn’t understand – like ethics and civility.

In the past four years nobody has epitomized snarky attacks more than Palin.  From the time she burst onto the national political scene at the 2008 Republican National Convention, she has shown a mastery of disgusting and cheap attacks that few possess.

Of course, anytime anyone struck back, she cried foul.

Now she’s outraged that the pro-Obama super PAC, Priorities USA, has attacked Romney’s role in Bain Capital.  She has accused the PAC of coordinating its efforts with the Obama campaign and she demands an investigation.  She has even accused the mainstream media of “prostituting themselves for a job, for interviews, for access to the Obama administration…”

Hmmm…you sure you want to go there, Sarah?

Instead of finding issues with the Obama campaign, the investigation just might reveal the extent of the coordination between GOP super PACs, Fox News Channel, the Romney campaign and you.

Poorly Disguised Racism.

Ever since Barack Obama was elected president, conservative white people have decried his lack of patriotism.  They say he is a socialist.  They say he was born in Kenya.  They say he is a Muslim.  They say he does not believe in American values and American exceptionalism.

Considering that his policies reflect those of former President Clinton and, in many cases, former President Bush, one may only conclude that the reason conservatives feel this way is that he is black.

There are other signs of growing racism in politics and the media.

Fox News Channel has recently questioned the patriotism of a US Olympic gold medalist for not wearing a flag-themed uniform during her performances.  (Nevermind that several decades ago it was considered unpatriotic to wear clothing mimicking the American flag.)  And, although few of the US athletes have worn clothing of red, white and blue, only one athlete was singled out…Gabby Douglas, the first African-American to win the all-around in Olympic gymnastics competition.

Coincidence?  I think not.

It’s no more coincidence than the fact that the mass killings in Wisconsin have received relatively little press compared to those in Colorado, Arizona, Texas and West Virginia.  Could that be because the victims in Wisconsin were Sikh immigrants from India and other parts of south Asia?

When Will It Be The Right Time To Talk About Gun Violence?

In the immediate aftermath of mass shootings, conservative media and the National Rifle Association quickly state, “This is not the time to talk about gun violence.  We need to focus on the victims.”  The NRA also issues a press release reaffirming its stance that guns are not the cause of the shootings.

Within days, the media attention turns to the shooter and what led him to become a mass killer.  Then the public attention is distracted by other more important stories such as the latest celebrity divorce, the latest celebrity arrest or the latest sensational trial.

The debate about senseless gun violence gets lost in the process until the next mass shooting.  Then the process is repeated all over again.

With each shooting, the national outrage is diminished, especially if the victims are not white “innocents.”  (Notice the difference in media coverage in the aftermath of the shootings in Wisconsin compared to the shootings in Colorado, Tucson, Fort Hood, and West Virginia.)

Racism aside, when will we ever have a national conversation about hate speech?  About hate radio?  About the violence that pervades virtually every aspect of our culture?  And most importantly, about the easy availability of increasingly lethal military-style weapons?

There will never be a better time than NOW!

America’s Epidemic Of Head-Up-The-Butt Disease.

There are many things we know that are detrimental to our society, but for a variety of reasons (mostly political) we refuse to correct them.

For example, we know that it’s dangerous to text while driving, but many do it anyway.  We know that many military contractors have been found guilty of defrauding the government, yet we continue to reward them with multi-billion dollar contracts. We know that abstinence-only programs do not help prevent teen pregnancies, but we cut funding for sex education and easy access to contraceptives.  We also know that early education programs greatly improve a child’s future, yet many are trying to defund them.

Similarly, the world’s scientists have warned us of the dangers of climate change caused by man.  Still, we refuse to address the problems even when experiencing extreme weather.  And we know that mass killings are made possible by unrestricted access to military-style, semi-automatic weapons.

All of these issues could be fixed.  It only takes a will to do so.  Yet we continue to listen to those who profit from these problems. 

We accept the oil industry’s arguments that lessening our dependence on renewable energies will be costly and result in lost jobs.  We accept the absurd notion of “clean” coal being marketed by the coal industry.  And we accept the fear-based arguments of gun manufacturers and the National Rifle Association that “Guns don’t kill people.  People kill people.”  That may be true, but semi-automatic weapons with large-capacity magazines make it much easier.

When’s the last time you read about a mass killing committed by a lunatic carrying a single-shot rifle or a 6-shot revolver?

Of course, the NRA argues that there will be less violence when everyone is armed.  But if you take your head out of your nether regions, you’ll discover the obvious flaws in that argument.  Do you have to carry a weapon with you at all times?  In church?  In school?  In the swimming pool?

So come on, America, stop limiting your view to your inner colons.  Pull your heads out of your butts and start examining the world around you.

Maybe Democrats Should Let Teapublicans Drive Our Economy Off A Cliff.

Don’t say it.  I already know what you’re thinking.  Republicans already did that in 2008.  But they’re not satisfied yet.  They want to cut taxes on corporations and the very wealthy.  At the same time, they want to increase our military budget.

To accomplish that without creating an even larger pool of red ink, they have proposed draconian cuts.

Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, the United States Postal Service, the Department of Education, the Environmental Protection Agency, the Department of Commerce, and the Food and Drug Administration are all on their list of targets.

And, with the national debt approaching the spending ceiling, they want to let the US default on our obligations…a decision that many economists say will cause our credit rating to plummet and likely result in the end of the dollar as the world standard of currency.

Teapublicans continue to ignore the warnings of such actions, and they refuse to listen to reason.  If they take control of the White House and Congress, they threaten to follow through with their ideological (more appropriately, idiotic) plans.

I, for one, am tired of trying to reason with unreasonable people.

Maybe we should let them drive our economy and our nation off the cliff.  It will be painful.  But only when there is massive unemployment and long soup lines will the vast majority of voters finally realize what the GOP (Guardians Of Privilege) actually stand for.

When Did It Become Patriotic To Avoid Paying Income Taxes?

Mitt Romney has been smart and very lucky.  The son of a famous father, he has used his privileged childhood and education to make millions – often by bankrupting companies and offshoring American jobs.  To make himself even wealthier, he also offshored his money in Switzerland, Bermuda, the Cayman Islands and Luxembourg.

That allowed Romney to pay income taxes at a rate of less than 15 percent in 2010. Now insiders from Bain Capital claim that Romney didn’t pay any income taxes at all for at least 10 years before that!

No wonder he doesn’t want to release those tax forms.

But Teapublicans don’t see anything wrong with such behavior.  Many even claim that it’s patriotic to avoid paying taxes.  Seriously?  That’s your definition of patriotism?

You can ignore the sacrifice of soldiers who have served 5, 6 or more tours of duty in a war zone?  You can ignore those who take less than they deserve to serve soldiers in Veteran’s hospitals?  You can diminish those who work long hours for little money to teach children?  You can ignore those who risk their lives to save others as first responders?

None of that is patriotic according to Romney’s supporters.

According to them, true patriotism is squeezing every possible dime from your tax form.  It’s cutting food stamps for the poor.  It’s turning your back on homeless veterans and homeless children.  It’s allowing thousands to die each year for lack of access to healthcare so you can buy another vacation home or a bigger yacht.

If this is the Republican definition of American patriotism, it’s time for the party to crawl into the deepest recesses of history.

Juveniles, Liars and Bullies.

Do bullies become Republicans? Or vice versa? It’s like the question of the chicken and egg.  There’s no obvious answer.  Bullies and Republicans are synonymous…especially here in Arizona.

Each election season, Republicans seem to have another treat in store for Democrats.  The airwaves and newspapers are filled with even more lies than usual.  (Not just exaggerations or little white lies, but unbelievable whoppers.)  Yard signs for Democratic candidates disappear with regularity, and if Democrats complain, Republicans remove their own signs and blame Democrats.  Last, but not least, Democratic bumper stickers are removed or defaced and sometimes the cars carrying them are vandalized.

It’s the sort of behavior that would make any junior high bully proud…as well as the ghosts of Richard “Tricky Dick” Nixon and Spiro “The Felon” Agnew.

The question is why do they do it?  Why do they feel it necessary?  Do they brag about their lies and juvenile accomplishments among themselves?  Do they turn it into a competition?

If elections are a battle of ideas, why do Republicans feel it necessary to resort to tricks, divisiveness and fear?  More important, are these the kind of people you want to represent you?

Don’t answer that.  If you’re a Republican, I already know the answer.

Israel Adds Another Clown.

This week, a group of medical clowns gathered in Haifa, Israel.  They were there to discuss techniques that may help children relax during medical procedures and keep up their spirits in order to improve outcomes.

But they weren’t the only clowns in Israel this week.

As they were practicing balloon animals, Mitt Romney was clowning around in Jerusalem.  Only there was nothing funny about Romney’s performance.

After insulting the British with his comments about the lack of preparation for the London Olympics, he was labeled “The American Borat” by a German publication.  Then, during his trip to Israel, he insulted Palestinians by calling Jerusalem the Israeli capitol.  As if that weren’t bad enough, he further insulted the Palestinians by stating the difference between the Israeli economy and the Palestinian economy was that Israel has a superior culture.

Saeb Erekat, a senior aide responded by saying, “It is a racist statement and this man doesn’t realize that the Palestinian economy cannot reach its potential because there is an Israeli occupation.”

Mitt, please come home soon!  The US is trying to broker peace between Israel and Palestine.  Not create another war.