The Great Right Hopes?

To listen to Teapublicans, President Obama is the worst president in US history. They view him as a foreign-born Muslim who was only elected through massive voter fraud; a socialist or communist or facsist or some sort of –ist who is destroying our economy and our freedoms. From the moment he was inaugurated, Teapublican leaders have made it their top priority to make him a one-term president in order to save our nation and the world.

Given the dire circumstances President Obama has allegedly created for our country, you would expect the Teapublicans to haul out their very best and brightest to defeat him. So who have they chosen to be their potential standard-bearer; their shining knight riding to the defense of freedom? It appears to be limited to one of the following:

– A moderate running away from his long-held beliefs to prove he’s now an electable conservative.  As a result, he can’t answer a single question without contradicting at least a dozen previous statements.

– A former Speaker of the House who resigned in disgrace following 84 ethics violations.

– A crotchety libertarian who appears to like drugs and prostitutes more than blacks, gays and Muslims.

– A Tea Party darling who says such wackadoodle stuff she’d be the perfect stereotype for dumb blonde jokes if only her hair was the right color.

– An undistinguished former senator who so angered gays they named the aftermath of a sex act in his honor and made the definition the top search result whenever you Google his name.

– A tough talkin’ executioner and secessionist who would probably be rejected as too stereotypical for a role on Hee Haw.

– A former pizza CEO who withdrew from the race after being accused as a serial sex offender.

Seriously? That’s it? These are the “Great Right Hopes” vying for the right to unseat President Obama in 2012? After what seems like a hundred televised debates, not one has managed to make his- or herself seem like a reasonable candidate.

It’s obvious the entire process has, thus far, been flawed. So I propose, instead of another debate, we place these yahoos in front of a panel of judges similar to American Idol. Just imagine for a moment if, instead of debate moderators lobbing softball questions at this crew, Simon Cowell was sitting in judgement of these presidential wannabes. How many would survive the first cut? How many would go running from the cameras in tears?

Does anyone doubt that such a panel would call these Teapublican candidates what they really are – circus clowns (with apologies to clowns everywhere). The only things lacking are the rubber noses, oversize shoes, silly makeup, miniature cars and squirting lapel flowers.

Indeed, the only one likely to make the cut is the one Teapublicans have universally ignored – John Huntsman. He’s a successful former governor and ambassador to China. Apparently, the only real strike against him (and it’s a big one) is that he has (gasp) steadfastly refused to speak badly of President Obama.