What Republicans Really Stand For:

Since Republicans like to attack any (make that every) Democrat idea, I thought it might be useful to look at what Republicans want.

1. Guns for everybody, no training required, the more the better.

2. Elimination of income taxes. Replace them with sales taxes, so the rich are taxed disproportionately less.

3. Elimination of labor unions. Who needs collective bargaining when corporations are so caring and generous to their employees?

4. Elimination of welfare, unemployment benefits, Social Security and Medicare. Only the wealthy deserve entitlements.

5. Elimination of public schools. After all, who wants children learning about such controversial issues as evolution anyway?

6. The criminalization of abortion, birth control and sex education. You can never have enough unwanted, uneducated children, right?

7. Repeal of health care reform – if you can’t afford health care on your own, you deserve to die.

8. Unlimited campaign contributions from corporations, but only for Republicans.

9. Deregulation of Wall Street, Big Oil, mining, Big Pharma, military contractors, commodities and any other campaign contributors.

10. Elimination of community organizers – you know, anyone who will fight for the underpriviledged and, most importantly, anyone who will register poor people to vote.

11. Elimination of mandatory minimum wages. It’s a drag on business to have to pay employees a living wage.

12. Downsizing of government, except for Homeland Security, I.C.E., border patrols, and any agency that looks out for wealthy Americans.

13. Privatization of the military, the Post Office, National Parks, and almost every other branch of government. There’s no profit for shareholders if the government does it.

14. Elimination of the Environmental Protection Agency. Climate change is just a myth perpetuated by Al Gore and those tree-hugging liberals. Besides, what good are natural resources if corporations can’t exploit them? Right?

15. Recognition of Christianity as the state religion. God bless America.

If you think I’m exaggerating, you just haven’t been paying attention.